Sunday, 16 August 2009

Desire

Photo taken 2 weeks ago (and about 7lbs ago), at a costume fitting for A Streetcar Named Desire. I'm playing Stanley, a really masculine, harsh, sexual character. I love him (he's not nice, but so interesting) and can't wait to get into it. Loving the 50's hairdo. I don't think we should restrict ourselves to dressing how our society at the moment prefers... so I'm totally going out looking like this soon haha. I also think it's really funny that, after finding out I'm gay and rejecting me for it, my family are going to see me play the most heterosexual character ever. The clothes are still way too big to me, even though those were the smallest they had to suit the character. It's my own fault though, the costume department had no idea I was going on a weight loss quest... if anyone's interested in what the character is like, here's a clip from the Marlon Brando version :] www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_lToyPAUyE he takes his shirt off around 1:15 I think... SO glad I'm 30lbs lighter now! haha. Gonna be concentrating on weights and push ups for my arms and chest til then (performances in late september, script already learnt because I love the play.)

Basically all else that's on my mind at the minute is exam results on Thursday. I'm fasting today (Sunday, 7am til Monday 7am) to see how that goes, and I'll decide my plan for the next few days up til results day after then. I'm excited and nervous and tense and scared and lots of emotions bundled into one. I'll see if that keeps my mind too busy for food. Hopefully it does.

Planning a trip to the city on Monday for some pure shopping, the first time since my weight loss. I'm so excited at the prospect of going into popular shops and buying SMALL sizes. A lot smaller than I used to buy anyway. I also really want to treat myself to something expensive. I've never done it before and I think I've earned it now. Something to keep me occupied with until results day anyway. I'm thinking of some Kurt Geiger shoes. Yummm. I've got £100 left in my bank account and I'm planning on spending it :] I'll hopefully manage to get £150 of the money my friend owes me on Monday morning so more for treats :]! The problem with buying clothes atm is that I'm still losing weight, so I don't want to spend money on clothes that aren't going to fit me in a month's time. It's happened with a shirt I bought in June that I really like... it looks huge on me now!

Thanks for all your lovely comments on my last post :) support means so much and if you're looking an update... I've not spoken to any of my family (apart from a few words to my mum as we live in the same house) since that day. They're all back in from the beach appartment and living within 5 miles of me again, though, so I won't be able to avoid them for too long. There's a family party on Friday for another cousin's birthday and (if I'm actually invited) I'll have to go to that. I would get depressed about it but, fuck it, I love a good fight. I'll be lovely and polite to everyone, but if anyone is rude to me it's only fair that I be rude back. "Treat others as you wish to be treated" is, after all, one of their Christian principles. :P

Thinking positive :) xx

28 comments:

  1. yeah when I buy clothes and then they get too big for me i just wash them and then tumble dry them a few times so that they shrink - i've shrunk down jeans and jackets and tops that way

    so if you have a tumble drier you can do that maybe

    x

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  2. Ahhh im glad im considered encouraging! Hope you do succeed in your fast today :)

    You're going to be fantastic in the play, im watching that youtube clip and i think ive somehow seen it before, it seems familiar even though id never heard the name before... weird.

    Oh my god, you are absolutely gorgeous by the way. Loved those photos. You should definitely go out like that soon! Suits you, looks so classy :) lol

    That really sucks about your family, but im sure it will eventually get better and become more accepting
    :)

    Xxxxx

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  3. Those photos are gorgeous! I agree with you- Who cares about what society thinks you should wear? You go out in that style! You totally rock it ^_^
    I'm sorry about your who family situation you have going on. I hope they can see past it soon. If they can't love you for who you are then they can't call themselves Christians (I've been brought up in a Christian home too)

    And thank you, once again, for your comment. I love the praise I get from you. You're so sweet!
    xoxoxo

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  4. That clip is great. Marlon Brando ... wuuhps. Talented. It made me laugh. I guess I'll have to google that play, it sounds interesting.

    You'll be great in the play. Plus that style really suits you! No kidding, those photos are amazing. But you're right, those clothes do seem a little ... large on you. Haha. Amazing how far you've come. But if you're trying to build up some muscles, too, maybe they'll kind of fit. As long as its muscles, not fat, it's allright.

    Your mate owes you 150? Wow. That's so much. Haha. But when you think of it, as soon as you go out shopping it's not that much any more. Actually I think you should always have a couple thousend pounds with you when you go shopping. XD I know who has that ... but clothes are so expensive and when you actually can treat yourself to nice clothes because of your weight loss - well I'm sure you'll enjoy that day.
    You deserved it!

    Hope they'll be okay. If they won't, just ignore them. But some of them will learn to accept it sooner or later. Hopefully.

    You're probably right with what you said about my Markus-Situation and going back to LC first. Thanks for that comment ... it kind of helped. I wasn't sure what to do, so thanks :)

    xxx

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  5. Hi :) great look for you! wow i can't believe your results are coming out on thursday.. it's what you've been waiting for so i'm super excited for you :) go knock some socks off :) :) much love

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  6. Hi :) great look for you! wow i can't believe your results are coming out on thursday.. it's what you've been waiting for so i'm super excited for you :) go knock some socks off :) :) much love

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  7. haha throw it back in their faces, use the bible against them, lol

    omg, yoiu look so gorgeous! omgomg
    yummy, i'm not kidding, like you look HOT!
    you have the cutest babyface ever! aw
    i'm in love with you! :P

    well done hunni, you're such a motivation!
    keep up the good work!

    ps, i hope your results come out well!
    all my love.

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  8. 0.0
    0.0
    0.0
    you. are. so. freaking. beautiful.
    that look suits you :)
    part of me wishes you were straight. and lived in florida. so we could live together. and not eat ever. lol.
    especially cuz my bf eats alllllll the time :P
    lol
    good luck on the play you'll do fantastic!
    stay strong you beautiful creature you!
    <333

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  9. i wish i could walk around holding your hand and pretending you're my boyfriend.

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  10. Thank you so much for the support! I was feeling a bit depressed thinking about how much I've slacked off the past two weeks.

    I just read your last post and I'm so sorry about your family. It's sad that even the people closest to you can be so narrow-mindedly cruel :(

    You look absolutely gorgeous in that costume! haha It makes me think of Grease, which I just watched a local theater perform a few days ago.

    Good luck with the family party and your play! <3

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  11. now i know who you remind me of. you look like zach condon from the band beirut. he is so beautiful. as are you.

    here's a pic if you're unfamiliar with him- http://unpiano.com/music/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/zach_condon.jpg

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  12. You look lovely. And you're even skinnier now! I'm sure you look 100% fantastic. I couldn't agree more about what you said on limiting yourself to dressing as society requires. I'm a bit of an "emo kid" myself, so i never blend in with everyone else. I get all kinds of strange looks, but i think it's funny.

    Yay for shopping and small sizes! Definately treat yourself to something super-expensive. I think the shoes are a great idea for your expensive treat because you won't shrink out of them like you will other clothes.

    Good luck with your family party. They'd better all be nice to you or else!

    Stay strong. Much love.

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  13. Awe you look amazing! :D I love Streetcar Named Desire! One of my favorite plays. I would love to see a recording of your portrayal! I'm sure you're amazing <3 and you should totally rock the 50s look! I personally like wearing gaudy dresses from the 60s ; )
    I really hope your family comes around : /
    Have fun shopping! <3

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  14. I'm going shopping too, this Wednesday probably. But as I haven't lost much I'm gonna look pathetic in everything I try on.. but I think I might buy some small clothes to motivate me.

    You look good in the pictures. And loving the costume, the fiftes were great fashion-wise ;)

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  15. Love the costumes :] & it's great that you're losing weight.

    I wish I could go shopping right now. Hmmm, since the clothes you'll be buying are going to be too big within a month, you should just keep shrinking them when you get them. Or buy most of the clothes a size smaller than you are right now.

    :], Have fun shopping!

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  16. you remind me of someone cant think who tho
    get the shoes they are deserved and they will still fit if you loose more weight :D

    howd the fast go?

    n just to let you know yur following my "something to do instead of eating collection of articles blog"
    day to day how im gettin on is here
    http://dancingthroughraindrops.blogspot.com

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  17. You're so cute :)

    Stellaaaaaaaaa!

    ASND is my FAVORITE play of all time.

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  18. UGH, my crazy family in Texas is hardcore catholic. I hate how the most religious people who believe they are so "enlightened" are most of the time the most small minded. Good Luck.

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  19. You are totally gorgeous. I bet just being all the family party will piss off your cousin so wear a big smileee =)
    xo

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  20. I went crazy shopping today to reward myself for staying under 100 for a week! I tried so many pairs of 0 size jeans *happy squeal* and finally settled on dark washed boot cut (super skinny jeans still look wrong nauseating nasty on me), but yes I managed to squeeze pack hustle push my amoeba body into it.

    I still look too short, too fat, my ass too big, but… my enormous thighs are not touching any longer. I don’t possess the tape measure anymore since I actually tore it in half while trying to measure my immense arse, excusemylanguage.

    I guarantee I will look so much better when I lose 5-7 pounds *Like seriously. I pinched my thighs too see*, and I need to lose 1-2 lbs from my stomach so that my hip bones are visible and protruding at all times, not just in the morning.

    Buy yeah, sorry for the long post, random ramble jamble and sorry if I talk about myself alot. I know I do (see?)
    Hahaha, but yes dear, definitely digging the outfit, really cute. I personally prefer vintage clothes, wood&stone jewelry, and leopard print anything (I bought an orgasmic leopard purse today as well). So do buy something fantastic. You so deserve it, wow 30 lbs =p impressive. But keep going, good luck with fasting cutie.

    and I think I will post some pictures of my fat flabby self if I succeed in getting to 95 lbs by next Monday, but not sooner =)

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  21. ooooohhhh ur goodlooking!! and skinny!! im not pissing in ur pocket either, i mean that! and i know its annoying but fark i loove when clothes get too big, especially when they still fit but are mega loose. very satisfying!

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  22. Hmmm, I wish blogspot had a comment button that was on the side & not in a blog, haha.

    & Thank you :] I like your blog too. It's nice to read. & You're a great looking guy! :D You're doing well with your weight loss also. Have you heard of the Lose 10pds. in 3 days? You can search it up or look at my blog. It's there, haha. It really works too! I lost 7 pounds because of that. :]

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  23. DO UNTO OTHERS AS THEY WOULD HAVE DONE UNTO YOU! ohhhhh you are good. i hope you get invited, im sure it will be quite the show =D

    and i absolutely love you in that outfit!! i agree, 50's style was bitchin' fo sho. we haven't really had much conversation on msn lately! what is up with that. well being on the same wave, we were both in shitty moods last night lol. oh yes, good times. =P

    i totally agree you should treat yourself. treat away. kurt geiger fo sho. omg thank you for introducing me to him. <3333 you forever. you better tell me how you did on results day like RIGHT ASAP. im excited to know too! =D you are super awesome and you are gonna make the best gay heterosexual character evarrrrr =)

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  24. You are just too cute. I feel extremely sorry for all girls everywhere and envious of all cute boys that may look your way =(

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  25. I giggled, and then clapped. I have to face my own family on my mother's side, who disowned me after I came out of the closet. It's utterly terrifying, because it's been nearly 10 years since I've seen most of them, and we have to play nice. But it's okay, I like playing superior. But unlike you, I don't have those nice Christian principles. I was raised Jewish. You never piss off a short Jewish Lesbian.

    You look good, too! I LOVE that costume on you, just so you know. We got to do that play when I was in Jr. High, and it was utterly fantastic, though we had to do a more toned down version of it. Parents didn't approve of the sexy sexy bits and whatnot.

    Have fun with your performance, and your going out for drinks!

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  26. PLEASE ALWAYS LOOK LIKE THAT, OK?
    That look suits you so well.
    I really want to start dressing like I'm from the 50s as well. It's just so classy and fun.

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  27. Hey hon, hope your results have gone well today!! Oxford and Cambridge are pretty similar tbh (although Cambridge is a LOT smaller than Ox in terms of city size, meaning fewer clubs and Tabs are much lamer, obv ;) ).

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