Thursday, 6 August 2009


Oh my god. I'm SO excited. I just got an invite to a massssive fashion thing that I'm SO SO SO excited about. OMG. OMG. I HAVE to be skinny for it. HAVE TO. EEEE I'm so excited! This was JUST what I needed. Fuck snacks, fuck comfort food, fuck weakness. EVERY. CALORIE. COUNTS. I'm going to do this, I don't give a shit how much it hurts. I will be skinny and I will look fucking good for it. I guess this means I'm pro ana for two weeks. I've never, ever been that. It's always scared me but then... I do love a challenge. For the next two weeks Snacking is Sin. Skinny is God.

WOWOW It's so weird to have something else to aim for other than results day!! Now I know I HAVE to achieve. EEEEEE hhehehehehe. I want a 2000 cal deficit per day, which means at least 2 hours of exercise. I'm going to do my first hour around 9am this morning and my second at midday, instead of a meal. I'm having one meal per day. 300 cals of pasta/sauce (small portion). Then I'm loooking forward to hunger pangs in the evening. I want to test myself, push myself. Being thin is a prize, not something I'm gonna get by being lazy. I have to work. We have to suffer.

So I'm also going to see some family members I haven't seen in ages (including the cousin who recently put on about 20lbs apparently...) in their apartment at the beach so that'll be interesting. Sort of a practice for seeing my classmates on Results Day. I hope they notice!! I'm wearing my best fitting top, in white (wow - new confidence?) with my smallest pair of jeans, 2 sizes lower than when I started. They're now the only pair I have left that fit me! It's great but seriously... what the fuck am I going to wear now? lmao. Planning a bit of a day out shopping with my dad obviously...

My dad's great by the way. Little interval here haha. He's so supportive of everything I do. Really kind and generous and funny. Everyone loves him. He's always there, willing to drive 100 miles to pick me up if I've missed a bus home, always willing to take an hour out of his schedule to talk to me if I have a problem. We have such a good sense of humour together. He'll constantly make fun of me and I do the same to him. Luckily we're equally matched so it goes on all day and no one ever wins. When it matters though, he knows how to be serious. He knows when to stop and tell me that he's proud of me and that he loves me. I love him too.

Excuse me ^_^ so yeah, 300 cals at most tomorrow with the little bit of pasta to keep my mum happy. I'm now looking up some thinspiration on youtube to pull out at any point during the day in which I'm tempted to binge. I also have some thinspo photos to share with you. I'll probably end up putting them throughout this post. The guy is my main thinspo. I think he looks amazing. The worst thing is - I KNOW HIM. He lives just a short train ride from me... completely stands out in his area. It's not a very fashionable part of the country, yet he looks like THAT. All eyes on him wherever he goes. I want to be like that, this time because I'm the pretty, skinny one, not the fatty that people stare at. Yuck. THINSPO =D I really want to print some of this out. I think I could get away with it too because most of it is quite arty...

Thanks everyone for the input on the guy situation in my last post. You all seemed to come to the same conclusion which confirmed what I thought. I should get the opportunity to speak to him on the day but I just might not bother. He missed his chance and he will have to stick that. I will, however, conveniently stand close enough to him so he can fully appreciate the new me... and regret his decision. ^_^

Hehehehehe I'm in such a good mood! I'm not sleeping today. It's 4am and I'm simply too excited to go to bed. I'll be up all morning looking at thinspo and planning my outfit for the fashion thing (details to come in a later post) and perhaps kicking out some exercise =D Is anyone else having a fantastic day? Let's share some positive stories today! Your proudest moment of your weight loss, your aims and goals and rewards, new confidence, new outfits, new compliments, anything :D

PS. What are your thoughts on the new header at the top of my blog? I wasn't sure. Felt like a wee bit of colour :] I'll return to the old photo if you like. Advice, input! :D THINKING THIN AND RIDICULOUSLY HAPPY :D xx!


  1. OMG! I love love love the new header. He's so edgy and skinny and gorgeous!

    I'm so glad to hear that you're in such a fantastic mood, and the fashion thing sounds very exciting and thinspirational. I'm sure you'll be so very skinny by then. You're so strong already and now you've got EXTRA motivation. Eeeee! You're going to rock it! So excited for you. (Have you ever noticed how insanely contagious excitement is? I love it!)

    Love the thinspos, as usual. I think i have some sort of weird obsession with guy thinspo. Is the second picture for real? Or is it photo-edited or something? Do you know? It just seems so crazy disproportionate, ya know. Lovely, nonetheless.

  2. love the new header :) he has beautiful hair like chuck bass! ha!

    ugggh i'm so jealous of your drive and confidence right now! i wish i had it! but i'm so very glad you do, take it and run with it and don't let anything change your beautiful sunny disposition, especially not something petty like food!

  3. it sounds like you're experiencing the euphoria that goes with restricting and fasting!!

    so am I, today is my fifth day fasting....I've been for four weeks before and this time I want to go for 40 days, like Jesus (though I'm not religious).

    good luck to all


  4. Loving the new header.
    Gosh you're happy today, made me smile reading your post :)
    You can do these next two weeks, its gonna be hard, and its gonna hurt, but you can do it! You have the most determination, im sure you'll see fantastic results.
    Good luck!!!

  5. I am in love with the new header don't change it =) Your excitement is just contagious lol. I am so happy for you! I want to tell you how much I appreciate your comments they meant a lot and you are just a great person. I am so happy you are doing great and also have a good relationship with your dad. I'm a little jealous ;) You will be looking hot for that fashoin event, I already know it.

  6. maybe i want to get wasted :) i like being able to get drunk really quick cause its cheaper! except then you have to worry about nasty boys, boo.

  7. oh and i didnt know they wrote taht, but i'm downloading it now! thanks for the reccomendation i always love getting new music!

  8. Love the new header. AND YES, I reviewed my thinspo, and WOW how ridiculously slutty it is. Bahaha. Oh well, if no one likes it they can just stfu. LOL.

    AND YAYYYYY on the fashion thing. What better place to look your best than a FASHION SHOW deal. I am so happy for you. <3 That will be kickfuckinass!

    About the followers, hells yeah! I seemed to manifest a couple more overnight. Wooo. Betch. :P

    Omg yeah, we are gonna boot camp HARDFUCKINGCARE AHHHHHHH for the next 10-12 days. SKINNY SKINNY SKINNY. OH, p.s. I found out what "pro-ana" means like.. yesterday. It doesn't mean the promotion of/practice of anorexia. It is the belief that anorexia is a lifestyle choice rather than a disease. Hm, well.. I choose it. TEN DAYS FUCK YEAH LETS GO BABYDOLLLLLLL! <3

    i am in a ridiculously fantastic mood.
    i wonder if its night time there? where you are? its prolly midday or something. HMMM.

  9. I love your new header. And that's so kewl about that fashion thing you got invited to. Stay strong think thin. Good luck with these next two weeks. I hope you reach your goal.

  10. The header is nice...but OMG, I'm in loveee with that first picture! Good luck with getting ready for the fashion thing I know you can do it! You are sooo strong!

    <3 Samantha

    i dont know how you find the energy to push through the tiredness when you dont eat. maybe im just not used to it and i have all this fat shit sticking to my insides making me slooooow! ;_; BOOOO. i really enjoy running, the feeling of it. :) i start week two of my running plan today. you are about 6hrs ahead of me. i am in central time zone USA, babay.

    yeah, sometimes everyone needs some good slutty thinspo. i just wish there were more slutty guys and whatnot to post! i just got a new follower :O im at 67 now. woooow. :)

    i wont let you down! i got a little plan mapped out so hopefully that will help. its so hard for me to lose because this birth control is making me FAT! OMG. i am switching when my next shot is due. but i got ten days. gotta work hard. we can do this! i can do this! anything you can do i can do betterrrr! *sing* just kidding, you are already outdoing me :) lets rock n roll, bitches. day one starts today.

  12. hey,
    sorry I didn't post a comment sooner. My parents I think have gone into noing I'm up to something. Great post by the way. :)

  13. You only got three hours of sleep and you're all hyper as shit? Wtf. You're on crack or something equivalent. LOL. And about the fasting and taking naps and whatnot, I can't. I work nine hours a day. And I need my brain :( Wahhhhhh.

    Yeah, I wanna see these slutty guys. <3 SHOW ME THE GOODS, BITCH. Smut.. Lol. I like that word.

    And you have officially inspired me to attempt to complete my first successful fast since I've been off drugs. Starting 11:43am MY TIME, (sooo 5:43pm your time?) until tomorrow morning. 24 hours. No food. Justs liquids. No cal liquids that is. Maybe some bouillon cube soup (is that how you spell it wtf). DONT CARE STFU IF ITS WRONG. but we totally got this. im so stoked. yayyy! <3

  14. OMGGGG


    i hate you for losing another pound. but im so proud of you at the same time. i posted it on my side bar. if we knew each other, irl, we'd be bff's fo sho. but we'd be totally competitive. im threatened by your SHEER WILL AND DETERMINATION. UGH. it drives me crazy. but you really are doing super fantastic and i hate/love you. LOL

  15. I was like "yummmmm" when I saw your new head banner! The guy is so fit and looks just too good!

    It's so fun reading your happy posts. And how you talk about the hunger pains, I want that again.

  16. oooo, the header guy's eyes are so INTENSE!! And that is a beautiful tattoo.... I don't really claim to be a fan of tattoos, at all, ever, but I like his. :) Wouldn't get it, but I love it. Keep the header as is (until you want to change it again, yeah...)! :D

    Fashion show?!?! I'm sooo jealous of you! Ugh, you are LUCKY! So much motivation and excitement.... Excitement burns tons of calories, lol. :) You are going to rock that show, I can tell!!!

  17. i reached 154 today!!!!!
    and my senior pictures went amazingly well!
    and my mom commented on how great i looked from losing so much weight!!!

    i loveeee your new header. hes so sexy. i wants him.
    yes i do :)

    stay strong!! good luck with ana, shes a doll <3

  18. omg pleeeaaase keep that banner haha. Gorgeous hair, gorgeous tattoos, gorgeous boy.

    You are going to do GREAT! And you're so right, this SHOULD be hard. Good things don't come without a big challenge. You've inspired me to work out more today. Thank you, sir. : )

    Awwh your dad sounds so awesome.
    Mine's a sweet guy, I just have no idea how to talk with him! Haha.

    Best of luck. : )

  19. New header is nice. :)

    Anyways, ahhh! That is so exciting! Both for the successful days and for the fashion thing! AND THE JEANS!! LOL

    Jeans are seriously one of the major 'measuring' tools I have. When I fit in those skinny jeans again, my life will be like, a million times more awesome. Haha

    Good luck finding a perfect out fit. Now that you're a skinnyminny it musn't be too hard. Hahaha


  20. So, awesome things that happened this week... Yesterday my ex came in to my workplace. He tried to hide from me behind furniture. BTW, this guy treated me like dirt. 3 weeks of hot and heavy, then he no-shows for a new years party and just disappears. Anyhoo, he looks like crap and apparently is a pizza delivery guy. I am still a licensed white collar professional and have gone back to school to expand my career option. Also, I'm about the same weigh now that I was when we dated so I look ok, but he's probably put on 20-30 pounds. HAHA! Victory is mine.

    And have fun at your fashion thingy. Wear something tailored and tight and some man-makeup if that's your thing. Walk in like you own the place and demand champagne. Unleash your inner bitch and show them who the fuck you are.

  21. Hey thanks for following now! Fiona Apple does sort of slow songs I guess, very pretty, not a lot of instrumentation. Some of the list of songs on my post are links, one of Fiona Apple's songs is linked - it takes you to the youtube video. Youtube is pretty handy, I created an account that nobody knows about and favorited all these videos of songs that I could NEVER have on my iPod!

  22. oh oh oh oh oh. Your excitement is so contagious! I have absolutely no reason to be so jittery (well minus the fact that I'm absolutely psyched that you're so pumped up!), but you can def. do this.

    Also I'm super jealous you're going to a fashion thing... send us all beautiful thoughts when you're there. You'll look a.mazing!

    That's crazy that you know him. He's gorgeous. Maybe you'll be his thinspo quite soon, yes?

    Anyway, I'm loving *every* second on your blog!

  23. I haven't been following for that long, but your blog is easily one of my top five..ever!
    I actually love you!
    The new header design is gorgeous, he's perfect (but you always have such great thinspo pics anyway!)

    Keep it up!
    love Ophelia x x

  24. I wanna lick the tattoos on that pretty thing in the header.

    BTW, are you over 18? I don't want to go to jail for making lascivious comments about stuff on the page of a minor.

  25. Three days without a post - where have you gone to?! Usually its not an hour without a post of some sort..
    Hope everythings going ok :)
    Haha i like your justification of a sleep in, but generally means i stay up later, giving me more time for late night eating :(
    Reading pride and prejudice by jane austen, it is fantastic, if you havent read her works, you must! Not the biggest fan of 'emma' but 'sense and sensability' is also fantastic :)

  26. Aw no, now im very worried.. Hope things get better for you soon.

  27. Hey I guess you deleted whatever you posted today, but I saw a preview of it in my blog feed and you sounded really upset. Whatever it is, I hope you feel better soon. : (((