Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Make your choice. Now.


Girls or boys?
Pepsi or Coke?
Night or morning?
Up or down?
Winter or summer?
Scream or cry?
Wet or dry?
Lose or cheat?
Good or bad?
Sunrise or sunset?
Edward or Jacob?

SKINNY or FAT?

There's no in between any more. I can't let myself keep saying "I look fine..." because that's not good enough. People don't make history for being "fine". It's perfect or nothing. I've made my decision. I'm not letting myself away with anything anymore. I always talk myself around it. Pathetic reasoning, "I've earned this", "It's only a few extra calories", "I'll do better tomorrow."

Fuck me. Fuck my weakness. Fuck my attitude. Fuck my greed. Fuck my fat thighs. Fuck my fat cheeks. Fuck my fat calves. Fuck my flabby arms. Fuck my bulging stomach. Fuck it all, I want a new body. I want people to stare. I want people to worry. I want people to be shocked but secretly want it too. I will not be normal. I will not settle for "ok" or "fine" or "average". I'm better than that. All of you girls are too.

DECISIONS. Make yours now.

Who had a successful fast? Mine wasn't bad but I gave in afterwards and ate what was given to me. Can't wait to get out of here where my parents won't be forcing food on me. 2 weeks and I'll be in uni. In Cambridge, where everyone is 99% perfect. As a fattie I'll be at the bottom of the heap. 2 weeks to lose... as much as I can. My boyfriend left for uni today. It's depressed me. From my last few posts you'll know how close we are. My best friend for the last 3 years, never gone more than 2 days without speaking. I'm lost without him. I need a focus, and it's now this.

Let's have some thinspo. I want your comments too. Show me your determination. The fasts went so much better when we all worked together. 15
comments on the last post tells me you're in this with me. The reason I've been going easy on myself has a lot to do with my thinspo. I post guys with nice clothes, and I use them to hide behind. I rely on clothes to cover up imperfections. So this weeks thinspo is nudes, or close to that. No covering it up, no hiding from the truth.

It's fat or skinny. One decision. I've made mine.












14 comments:

  1. Great decision.. i'm joining you on that! it's go big- make that tiny- or go home! that sucks that your bf has left... the beginning of uni is a lonely time with people leaving. stay strong and show us how it's done!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Boys.

    Diet Vanilla Coke.

    Night.

    Up.

    Winter.

    Cry.

    Wet.

    Cheat.

    Good.

    Sunrise.

    Ron Weasley.

    Skinny.

    My fast continues, actually. Not entirely sure why, other than I felt like it.

    I'm so sad for you and your missing boyfriend. It's just the pits, isn't it?

    And hey, those thinspo guys are seriously something. The second one, my GOD. That "v" of his... I won't pretend I didn't blush.

    And, at Cambridge, everyone can't be 99% perfect, because everyone means 100%... or did you mean individually? I forget.

    But, I am quitequitequite sure that you can do whatever you want, if you put your boyfriend-pining to good use, and forget about your appetite.

    And, I think most people hide behind clothes. Mine are MOSTLY waisted floral dresses and tracky daks and sloppy joes and Ugg Boots.

    And interesting sunglasses. At the moment, they are eyeball glasses.

    Yesterday, they were harry potter ones.

    The day before, they were pineapples.

    See?

    And, you didn't answer your own set of questions!

    Girls or boys?
    Pepsi or Coke (or Diet Vanilla Coke)?
    Night or morning?
    Up or down?
    Winter or summer?
    Scream or cry?
    Wet or dry?
    Lose or cheat?
    Good or bad?
    Sunrise or sunset?
    Edward or Jacob (or Ron)?

    And finally: Skinny, or SLIGHTLY rotund?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Boys.
    Pepsi Max.
    Morning.
    Down.
    Winter.
    Cry.
    Wet.
    Lose.
    Good.
    Sunset.
    Edward.
    SKINNYSKINNYSKINNYSKINNY.
    Except I only have 4 days. AND I binged last night (but no gain this morning thankfuck)
    Sorry about your boyfriend, it'll get easier when you're both experiencing new things, even though you'll still miss him x

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm, oh, SEX-BOMB! I absolutely 100% completely and utterly forgot!

    How much is the most weight you've lost in the least amount of time (and how long did it take)?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Girls or boys? boys
    Pepsi or Coke? neither
    Night or morning? night
    Up or down? down
    Winter or summer? winter
    Scream or cry? scream
    Wet or dry? wet
    Lose or cheat? lose
    Good or bad? good
    Sunrise or sunset? sunset
    Edward or Jacob? edward


    SKINNY or FAT? S K I N N Y .

    I totally understand you, there is no point going easy anymore or letting yourself off, because that doesn't get you where you want, does it?
    I'm sorry your missing your boyfriend, I'm sure you'll see him again soon!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Darn it I missed the fasting. :(

    Boy (ones enough for me)
    Diet coke
    Night
    Up
    Winter
    Cry
    Wet
    Lose
    Good
    Sunrise
    Jasper :D
    Skinny skinny skinny

    I know what you mean about wanting people to worry. I want everyone to look at me and say "that girl is going to be blown away on the next breezy day."

    Nothing like the feel of your own bones....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Damn sexy thinspo. And damn inspirational post. Mind if i stick it in my thinspo journal? I needed some thinspo and then you and your lovely post came along. Guess who's gonna fast today: ME! Forget gently easing back into ana, it doesn't work, i just end up binging. I'm gonna do it! Thanks for so much inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ha, you already know my fast lasted about...19 hours of the 40 I was going for. New fast started last night at 10 and is going until about 5 tomorrow night. 43 hours!

    ReplyDelete
  9. What I wouldn't give to have a guy like that...
    WELL I'M NOT GONNA GET ONE BEING A FATTY LIKE THIS!
    Right?

    skinnnyskinnnyskinnnyskinnnyskinnnyskinnny

    ReplyDelete
  10. You're absolutely right.
    I'm with you.
    My fast ended in a cookie binge and the worst part was IT DIDNT BOTHER ME!!!
    "eh, I did well enough," I thought, 'I could have done worse, I didn't lose what I wanted but I lost *some.*"
    "Some" is not good enough anymore. All or nothing.

    Also: I'm with Isabella on Ron. Give me lanky, redheaded, and adoring over buff, past-y and abusive anyday!

    ReplyDelete
  11. SKINNY


    and that is the only answer that matters

    ReplyDelete
  12. Girls or boys?
    - MEN.
    Pepsi or Coke?
    - Coke.
    Night or morning?
    - Night.
    Up or down?
    - Uppp.
    Winter or summer?
    - Summer, please.
    Scream or cry?
    - Scream.
    Wet or dry?
    - Both.
    Lose or cheat?
    - Win.
    Good or bad?
    - Good.
    Sunrise or sunset?
    - Sunset.
    Edward or Jacob?
    - Jacob <3333

    SKINNY or FAT?
    - SKINNYYYY!

    && I like the picturesss :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. How far away will your boyfriend be from you when you are at Cambridge? :(

    My new plan is on top of fasting having a raw week. Fruit and Vegetables RAW. nothing cooked, heating slightly is ok. No sugar, no fat, simple carbs, no starch. Clean foods or no food.

    fasting for 24 increments 4 days a week.


    started as of 10.00pm last night. today is raw then tomorrow fast.


    Yay for your positive motivation. I always feel like putting in the effort after reading your posts.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Girls
    Pepsi (light)
    Night
    Down
    Winter or summer? Neither. autumn and spring.
    Scream
    dry
    cheat
    bad
    Sunrise
    Edward
    SKINNY



    Yes. Skinny.

    I'm sorry about your bf leaving ... well, that's just the way it goes. You'll see each other, right? So. no need to worry.

    The thinspo was amazing. I loved it!!!

    I think I'll try again with the fast ...

    ReplyDelete