I leave Ireland for uni on Saturday. 2 days from now. I'm scared. What if they don't like me? What if I'm a loner? What if I'm not good enough? What if I get a tiny room? What if I'm judged for being gay/poor/quiet/state school/dressed differently? What if I f
ade into the background? What if no one speaks to me? What if I miss home? What if I can't keep up?
I bought new clothes for going away. Spent sooo much money but I've got enough to do me for a good while now. I feel more confident in them. Got some stuff that I'd never ever have considered before my weight loss. I'm proud of myself. I just need to stop
doubting myself and it'll be fine. I'm not difficult to get on with I don't think. I can talk easily enough, as long as the other person is making an effort too. If they're not making an effort then they're not someone you'd want as a friend.
Everyone wants to make friends at freshers so no one's going to intentionally make it more difficult. First conversations shouldn't be too hard. Where they're from, how they are, what they're doing as a subject and why, what they'd like to d
o in freshers, how they're finding the city, how their rooms are, how their summer was... during all of that, with however many people I get to talk to, there's bound to be something that interests me and sparks further conversation. It's happened already with a few people I've talked to online who like certain types of music, or certain tv programmes, or certain actors.
They've given us college parents and a college sibling. My sister is really nice, and we seem t o get on pretty well. Plus we've already met so she will be someone I can approach without hesitation. Her and this other girl from Ireland who I foun
d on a forum. She talks really well, she's funny and interesting from what I've seen and she's been very friendly thus far. We've also met at a summer school but I don'
t remember her... which is quite bad but oh well lol. That'll be a shared experience to talk about too.
You can see how much I'm worrying about this then, yeah? haha.
I was meant to be going to see some friends in the city tomorrow, but I don't think it's working out. Everyone's already started lectures and they're all busy, plus the whole goodbyes thing was over a few weeks ago, when most unis started. I'm going to make do with a few phone calls and a visit to one guy who's been a really good loyal friend. I just wish I knew he was friends for the right reason. When I met him I was getting together with my bf, but the friend didn't know. He told me he liked me a while later and kept it up for about 6 months, after which he got with someone else, but kept complaining about things that were going wrong and always came to me to talk about it. I'd like to believe he's over it and that he's just a loyal friend. That
'd be really nice. I will miss him I think. Well, the only person I've ever properly missed is my bf (I miss him like hell right now) but it'll be good to see the friend again anyway.
It looks like there's going to be a lot on during Freshers; not only the obvious pub crawls and club nights, but also a ghost hunting trip, a barbeque and sports event, quiz night, jazz and cocktails night, comedy and acoustic night, freshers debate, freshers ball... shit, what do I wear? Same as for matriculation? Ball means dancing yeah? Shit, I can't dance. I seriously have no rhythm whatsoever. Any tips on getting out of dancing without looking weird?
Ahhh, I'm so nervous!