Thursday, 1 October 2009

Going to Uni!


I leave Ireland for uni on Saturday. 2 days from now. I'm scared. What if they don't like me? What if I'm a loner? What if I'm not good enough? What if I get a tiny room? What if I'm judged for being gay/poor/quiet/state school/dressed differently? What if I f
ade into the background? What if no one speaks to me? What if I miss home? What if I can't keep up?

I bought new clothes for going away. Spent sooo much money but I've got enough to do me for a good while now. I feel more confident in them. Got some stuff that I'd never ever have considered before my weight loss. I'm proud of myself. I just need to stop
doubting myself and it'll be fine. I'm not difficult to get on with I don't think. I can talk easily enough, as long as the other person is making an effort too. If they're not making an effort then they're not someone you'd want as a friend.

Everyone wants to make friends at freshers so no one's going to intentionally make it more difficult. First conversations shouldn't be too hard. Where they're from, how they are, what they're doing as a subject and why, what they'd like to d
o in freshers, how they're finding the city, how their rooms are, how their summer was... during all of that, with however many people I get to talk to, there's bound to be something that interests me and sparks further conversation. It's happened already with a few people I've talked to online who like certain types of music, or certain tv programmes, or certain actors.

They've given us college parents and a college sibling. My sister is really nice, and we seem t o get on pretty well. Plus we've already met so she will be someone I can approach without hesitation. Her and this other girl from Ireland who I foun
d on a forum. She talks really well, she's funny and interesting from what I've seen and she's been very friendly thus far. We've also met at a summer school but I don'
t remember her... which is quite bad but oh well lol. That'll be a shared experience to talk about too.

You can see how much I'm worrying about this then, yeah? haha.


I was meant to be going to see some friends in the city tomorrow, but I don't think it's working out. Everyone's already started lectures and they're all busy, plus the whole goodbyes thing was over a few weeks ago, when most unis started. I'm going to make do with a few phone calls and a visit to one guy who's been a really good loyal friend. I just wish I knew he was friends for the right reason. When I met him I was getting together with my bf, but the friend didn't know. He told me he liked me a while later and kept it up for about 6 months, after which he got with someone else, but kept complaining about things that were going wrong and always came to me to talk about it. I'd like to believe he's over it and that he's just a loyal friend. That
'd be really nice. I will miss him I think. Well, the only person I've ever properly missed is my bf (I miss him like hell right now) but it'll be good to see the friend again anyway.


It looks like there's going to be a lot on during Freshers; not only the obvious pub crawls and club nights, but also a ghost hunting trip, a barbeque and sports event, quiz night, jazz and cocktails night, comedy and acoustic night, freshers debate, freshers ball... shit, what do I wear? Same as for matriculation? Ball means dancing yeah? Shit, I can't dance. I seriously have no rhythm whatsoever. Any tips on getting out of dancing without looking weird?

Ahhh, I'm so nervous!

8 comments:

  1. i went through the exact same freak out right before i left for my freshman year. trust me when i say it all works out. i didn't meet my real and true best friends until the middle of my sophomore year but the people i hung out with until then were fun. sometimes it takes time. other people i know met their best friends in the first week. just be yourself, be patient, and know how lucky anyone would be to have you as their friend! good luck, gorgeous!!

    xoxo,
    rubes

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  2. What if they don't like me? Some will, some won't, but it is okay for some people not to like you.

    What if I'm a loner? it is unlikely, but if you are then it doesn't matter, some of the greats were loners

    What if I'm not good enough? if you weren't good enough they wouldn't have let you in, and if they want more then be more, university is a bout what you can make of yourself, not about where your from or what you have already done

    What if I get a tiny room? then you will spend more time in beautfiul old buildings and be more likely to meet beautfiul new people.

    What if I'm judged for being gay/poor/quiet/state school/dressed differently?
    in my experience, people can't tell about the poor thing...the others, yes, you wull be judged but you have to remember that if someone has a strong negative judgment then that is something that comes from inside them, it's not about you, it's more about their problems.

    What if I fade into the background? make yourself the center of attention if that's you want to be

    What if no one speaks to me? speak to them, most people are just shiteing themselves with nerves

    What if I miss home? you will, it is normal, but then it will be better when you go back

    What if I can't keep up? get faster, you can always be better




    x you'll x be x fine x I x promise x

    and if not just call me and I will come all the way to cambridge and beat up the meanies.

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  3. Good luck!
    You sound like a fantsticly excellent person, so I'm sure you'll do just fine.

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  4. Honey, you're such an amazing person that i'm sure everyone will just love you! How could they possibly not?! You're absolutely wonderful and encouraging AND skinny!

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  5. you wont know any of this till you get there so stop worrying and be excited, jump around in glleful anticipation till the scary thougts fall out
    xx

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  6. I'm sure they'll like you, whats not to like, right? I know you'll be fine. get to know people, and the people who are really worth knowing will stand out, I'm sorry you miss your boyfriend, I hope you two see eachother soon! x

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  7. Who wouldn't like you?
    Oh yeah bastards, but whatever
    I love it how you start out, oh everything might be terrible ahhhh! and then you go into talking yourself out of misery and by the end everyone is a little bit happier and whatever it is you'll get through it... it's cool

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  8. hey man, long time since I've been here, on blog. you've seemed to have quite a lot going on in your life, and still got the touch with the photos :)
    well, just wanted to check in and see how you were doing, you're my favourite blogger :D

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