I really am. I'm disgusted with how many mindless idiots there are in this country. Some wankers in Belfast threw petrol bombs at the police yesterday. Rioting because of a parade commemorating a battle hundreds of years ago. 99% of them couldn't tell you what they were even fighting about. I'm disgusted with the wankers who went around slashing tents at the Oxegen festival in Dublin this weekend. I'm disgusted at the wankers who then stole everything they could from the tents, leaving my friends sitting in a field drenched in the cold overnight before they could get home. I'm disgusted at myself for being such a lazy piece of shit, for not being able to move on from my ex, from being pathetically dependent on my friends, for being so bloody morally corrupt, for disappointing my family (even though what they expect of me is a straight son, which I CANT be), and for having no self control.
and fuck it, i'm fasting. Because that's what I do when I'm in a shit mood. I'm too afraid to weigh myself. I have a friend who was able to fast for 5 days at a time. I admire that guy. What amazing self control that must have been. I've lost heaps of weight in the past, but I always did it the easy way. 200 cals per day, always allowing myself those 200 to make it easier. Frankly, I don't think I deserve them right now. Zero cals for as long as I can do it.
So I guess after all that angst there's time for a bit of gossip... the hot lecturer I mentioned a while back has emailed me since. He's offering to supervise me next year. That means me and him in a small room (one of his private rooms, to be exact) for an hour every week. What could I do other than accept? This could be VERY interesting.
Actually, FUCK the negativity. I have a heap of opportunities ahead of me. All I need is to commit to my goals and go for it. I CAN do this. I'm really fucking good at doing this. It's nothing but pathetic self destruction that's held me back so far. I'm fasting. I'm getting thin. I'm getting the hot guy.
End of. :)
... god, how schizo was that post? hahah