Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Weakness

You know those times where you're just dying to text your ex, tell him how much you miss him, how much he means to you, how little you are without him, how so many things in life still remind you of him and how you're awake at stupid o'clock in the morning because of him, and how you hate him for what he's done to you, how he's betrayed you and treated you like shit, how you know he's been playing you, he's been fucking around and being a general dickhead, yet you still love him, and you hate yourself for it, because if you were anyone else and you saw this situation you'd tell the pathetic individual involved to MOVE THE FUCK ON, yet you can't, and you don't know why, but you know that it's not going to go away?

Yeah.

Monday, 2 August 2010

Moving on, pulling boys, being happy.

The most amazing weekend started with one of the worst nights. I basically found out that my ex, who I'd been falling for again because he's been texting, calling, showing me heaps more attention and being like we used to be, has been sleeping around. I thought he'd cheated on me and then calmed down because of us breaking up and him being upset, but apparently not. So much so that he's booked himself in for a sexual health check. This was how I found out. So I realised that he has not deserved half of all the time, effort and thought I've been putting into him. So I stopped. I made that decision and I stuck to it. Didn't reply to his email about the health check, didn't reply to the random attention seeking text he sent me this morning, and barely thought about him all weekend.

That was because this weekend was fabulous - a night at the movies on Friday (Inception is amazing) followed by Belfast Gay Pride on Saturday. It was one of those occasions where you're like "shit, I can't go to this, I know literally ONE person, I will be lost and a loser and on my own and weird." So I went, knowing one person, and came home with like 10 new friends, most of which are male, gay and hot... but I'll get on to that bit in a minute ;)


Since being single my mind has been off sex. I just couldn't think about it out of loyalty to him. That snapped in my mind after I found out what he's been doing, and I just felt free. Free to have fun, be myself, meet new people, come on to hot boys and PULL. Which I did, with 4 guys. JUST KISSING, I'M NO HO. But yeah, MAJOR step for me considering how I've been for the last few months. Also, two of them were 20 year old blonde twins... I think that gets me extra points, yes? hahaha

I also got a MASSIVE catch up with some fantastic female friends who are just wonderful people. Laughed so much I had tears streaming down my face. Proper anchors in my life they are.



Very very drunk by the end of saturday night, very very hungover by Sunday afternoon. All of which made for an interesting train ride home. My backpack strewn across the table in the train, myself slumped back in my chair wearing yesterday's clothes, sunglasses to cover my lack-of-sleep eyes, and my face and hair plastered with glitter, whilst sober people walked past trying and failing not to stare/abuse. Can't say I didn't enjoy watching their reactions though... heee.

BUT YES. Lots of alcohol was VERY worth it, despite all the calories. Now I'm going for a FAST. Anyway, I DO need to drink pints and pints of water to make up for what was at least 25 units of alcohol...

Peace :)
J x